Do you have favorites? I do. I have a favorite color, food, music, band, song, husband, etc. I just learned my favorite uncle is getting a divorce. I am not going to go into the whys of it. That is not what this is about. This is the second marriage for my uncle. They have been together 18 years. (I think that’s right). He has two children with his wife, and they are close to the ages that my brother and I were when our folks got divorced. I am not close to them (wish I was), but I imagine they are feeling a lot like my brother and I did when ours split.
I do not know if there was a lot of fighting in their house, but there was in mine. I remember when we found out about the divorce. We had been away at camp with our youth group and came home to them fighting about who would get the kids. Whew. It was a shock to our system. We KNEW they weren’t happy. We KNEW it was coming. We KNEW a divorce would be the best thing for all of us. But to hear it spoken was rough. We cried. All four of us. I also remember a feeling of relief. The house wouldn’t be a battle ground anymore. We wouldn’t have to walk on eggshells anymore. My dad and I were out one day, and he was talking to me about the impending divorce. He told me I was old enough to choose where I wanted to live and with whom (who? ). I have always been so close to my dad and we really have no secrets. But to have to make that kind of decision. And knowing my brother was not old enough was also hard. I told dad I wanted to let the courts decide. That it wouldn’t be fair to have to pick one over the other. As it turned out, my dad got custody of us and my mom would get us on weekends. She found an apartment in Sandy Springs and set her move date. Everything was fine. I knew what was happening. We packed up the moving van and helped get it loaded. And then I cried. And I cried and cried. All I could think was “my mom is LEAVING!” It was so hard. My cousin and my best friend were there and they hugged me and really, I wouldn’t have gotten through it without my good friends next to me.
Then it seemed life was easier, and then it seemed normal. And then FINALLY it was like the fighting and anger and all the bad feelings finally melted away and we became a functional family again. And now it’s even crazier. My parents are at the same get togethers now. My dad has helped my mom move, she visits his parents, lives next door to his sister. We have become a functioning dysfunctional family!! Hahahaha.
I hope my cousins will see that it won’t be all bad, and that it WILL GET BETTER. Time heals all wounds. And that is the truth. If it wasn’t, I wouldn’t be married to my favorite husband now…but that is a tale for another time…